Photo by Maria Oswalt, Unsplash
Photo by Maria Oswalt, Unsplash
Trump “solved” the case of the Central Park Five with a newspaper ad, and he is solving the non-existent crime explosion in Washington D.C. the way he has solved everything else, with an executive order and a press conference.
Republished with permission from Lucian K. Truscott IV
Don’t worry about a thing, friends. Donald Trump has taken over Washington D.C., and everything is going to be just fine. “It’s going to look beautiful like nobody’s ever seen,” Trump told the media gathered today in the White House Press Room.
“Today we’re publicly declaring a public safety emergency. This is an emergency. This is a tragic emergency,” Trump announced with a gaggle of lickspittles like Pam Bondi and Pete Hegseth flanking him at the podium. “And it’s embarrassing for me to be up here. You know, I’m going to see Putin. I’m going to Russia on Friday. [Yes, he said Russia not Alaska.] I don’t like being up here talking about how unsafe and how dirty and disgusting this once beautiful Capital was, with graffiti all over the walls, this is another part of it, by the way. We had the most beautiful potential Capital in the world. We always had. It’s going to be clean very quickly. We’re going to replace the medians that are falling down all over the roads, we’re going to replace the potholes, we’re going to put a nice new coat of asphalt over the top. And Attorney General Pam Bondi, who’s fantastic, is taking command of the Metropolitan Police Department as of this moment.”
See how easy that was? Clean up some walls and “replace” the potholes and cover it up with a nice new coat of asphalt and turn the whole thing over to Pam Bondi, who has done such a fantastic job of covering up the fact that Trump’s name is graffitied all over the Epstein files.
How inconvenient that FBI statistics just revealed that crime in the District of Columbia is at a 30-year low. Auto thefts are down 25 percent. Carjackings are down 37 percent, according to NBC4 television news in Washington. Even Fox News is reporting that “violent crime dropped 24 percent compared to 2024.”
So, what is Trump going to do? He’s going to put 800 armed National Guard troops on the streets of Washington with the authority to make arrests, which should come as a surprise to the conservative fans of the Posse Comitatus Act, which forbids the U.S. military from involvement in domestic police matters. Yes, that is right. There was a time in this country when conservatives screamed their heads off every time National Guard troops were deployed in the Deep South to prevent mobs from attacking school children on their way to newly integrated schools. They screamed Posse Comitatus at the top of their lungs and wrung their hands at the thought that the military was taking over policing in cities in the South.
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Lucian K. Truscott IV, a graduate of West Point, has had a 50-year career as a journalist, novelist and screenwriter. He has covered stories such as Watergate, the Stonewall riots and wars in Lebanon, Iraq and Afghanistan. He is also the author of five bestselling novels and several unsuccessful motion pictures. He has three children, lives in rural Pennsylvania and spends his time Worrying About the State of Our Nation and madly scribbling in a so-far fruitless attempt to Make Things Better.
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