It was that moment a decade ago, watching that sickening video, feeling that certainty about his political fate, and soon feeling the gut punch of being wrong.
Republished with permission from John Pavlovitz
Warning: this piece contains profanity and references to sexual assault that may be disturbing to some.
As the conversation with Bush begins, Trump brings up TV host Nancy O’Dell, bloviating proudly, “I moved on her, actually. You know she was down on Palm Beach. I moved on her, and I failed. I’ll admit it. I did try and f*ck her; she was married… I moved on her like a bi*ch. I couldn’t get there, and she was married.”
“He’ll never survive this,” my relative went on.
Then, referring to actress Arianne Zucker who they were about to interact with, Trump brags to Bush, “Yeah, that’s her with the gold. I better use some Tic Tacs, just in case I start kissing her. You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful… I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything….
Bush interjects, “Whatever you want.”
Trump replies, “Grab them by the p*ssy. You can do anything.”
Boom.
Political disaster.
Unsurvivable scandal.
Game over.
I exhaled deeply for the first time in months, being certain of the end of a vile, year-long campaign of unabashed bigotry and unprecedented vitriol.
Surely, Evangelicals would finally come to their senses and jettison him as the very evil they always loudly condemned.
Of course, the Family Values Conservative voters would make a massive and rapid exodus from him and this kind of dehumanization.
Without question, my Republican family members and friends would part ways with him now.
Or so I thought…
I truly believed that this open confession of predation by a man already a serial adulterer who had been credibly accused by dozens of women of sexual assault, misconduct, or harassment would be the final nail in the coffin of his presidential aspirations.
Yet, just weeks later, on October 9th, 2016, I woke to the abject horror that I was mistaken.
Unthinkably, after getting clear access into the absolute vile recesses of his blackened heart, tens of thousands of Americans, over 80 percent of them professed Christians, many of them with children of their own, cast their vote for this vulgar, lecherous, admitted sexual predator to occupy the highest seat of leadership in the nation, and arguably, the world.
The thought was incomprehensible. There was no way to make sense of a man blathering on in that kind of obscene detail about his behavior around and his feelings toward women, being rewarded with the Presidency.
This was not simply a wildly unexpected political victory; this was a mass rejection of decency, a casting off of morality, and an endorsement of cavernous moral filth—not only by a massive swath of America—but of people I knew, loved, believed in, cared about, and up until that moment, respected.
And nothing has been the same since: not me, not this nation, and not the relational fabric that once connected us to each other.
Over the last decade, I’ve watched people I was once close to move the goalposts of what their ethics and theology will allow. I’ve seen them abandon their declared convictions and justify every kind of indecent and illegal act, including the physical violation of women and children. Over and over, as they have continued in undying support of this hateful, violent, empty husk of a man; as they have fallen deeper into cultic fixation, they have severed any tethers between us.
I have mourned the loss of them or of the people I thought they were countless times since the Fall of 2016.
But it was that moment a decade ago, watching that sickening video, feeling that certainty about his political fate, and soon feeling the gut punch of being wrong, when I lost faith in a good portion of this nation, and in those who made up my family, my church, my tribe, my community.
It turns out, Trump’s disgusting Access Hollywood admissions weren’t the end of his campaign, but they were the beginning of the end of the nation we might have been and the relationships we could have had.
It will be a grief that I and millions of others like me will never be able to shake.
John Pavlovitz is a writer, pastor, and activist from Wake Forest, North Carolina. A 25-year veteran in the trenches of local church ministry, John is committed to equality, diversity, and justice—both inside and outside faith communities. When not actively working for a more compassionate planet, John enjoys spending time with his family, exercising, cooking, and having time in nature. He is the author of A Bigger Table, Hope and Other Superpowers, Low, and Stuff That Needs to Be Said.
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