“My children, the time has come, a time you have been waiting for,” ranted MAGA “prophet” Julie Green on a new year she hopes will see fascism bloom across America. But some of us have different views on the end of what the Rude Pundit deems “one more motherfucker of a year” with its recurrent scourges—hating “others,” banning books, enabling genocide and now “another Trumpy election.” For solace, Pundit fans offered haiku: “Though a hurricane/ Of horror, we keep up hope/ But it ain’t easy.”
Just months from the stupefyingly implausible (but still possible) re-election of a sick, inept Hitler wannabe who orchestrated “the most audacious and Russian-style disinformation attack on the United States that we’ve ever seen,” some wonder if we’d become, writhing under yet another Trump regime, a nation “completely untethered from reality.”
While an alternative reality remains key to a movement that blindly seeks to “burn everything to the ground,” many of us persist in believing that, per Billy Roach, “Facts owe.” Facts: Trump lost in 2020, anti-abortion laws kill women, gender dysphoria exists, books educate, hate corrodes, love is love, slavery was a horror, systemic racism remains, evolution is real even if Mike Johnson denies it, and Trump is a lying, grifting, vile human being in serious cognitive decline with a stench of butt, arm-pit, ketchup and makeup who’s obviously unfit to hold any position of political power, never mind that of America’s first-ever president from a jail cell.
Still, his clamorous cult followers say they’re A-okay with it, and his shameless “lawyers” dismiss potential problems arising from it. Despite the discomfiting fact Trump faces 91 felony charges in four indictments and countless lawsuits, attorney Christina Bobb just told Newsmax she doesn’t want voters “thinking he’s got all these legal problems,” which could “discourage people from supporting (him).”
She does, however, think Maine Secretary of State Shenna Bellows should face the fires of Hell, or at least impeachment as “a good start,” for finding said felon ineligible for the presidential ballot; she urges Bellows also be investigated for abuse of power—aka doing her job—and election interference. Bobb is—go figure—just one of a multitude of glossy, young, female Trump lawyers; another, Alina Habba of the New York fraud trial, just attended a New Year’s party at Mar-A-Lago. She was shown with a laughably photoshopped Trump; because MAGA doesn’t do irony, the caption thanked her and blasted “the false narrative & selective editing of the left.”
Fitting snugly into this alternative universe is self-proclaimed MAGA “prophet” Julie Green, who despite a less-than-stellar record—in 2022, she predicted Schumer and Pelosi would die, Charles would murder his mother the Queen but “never get that throne he killed for,” and Biden was already dead but controlled by Antichrist Obama through an earpiece—is still getting New Year’s tips from God.
This year, she says there will be, “A reinstatement. A shift of power. A new government in control. An overthrow & takeover in this nation from the hands of the wicked to the hands of the righteous,” with the “coup…annihilated,” though we’re not sure how you do that. “My children, hold on,” she declaimed. “2024 will start out with a bang, so brace for a mighty impact coming to shake you loose from the chains that bind you…Remember my words. This means your enemy’s days are running out.” Which would sound pretty good if it wasn’t coming from someone who said fascist zealot Doug Mastriano was “anointed” by God.
Back on Planet Earth, Robert Reich offers 10 suggestions for what we can do faced with the “terrifyingly high-stakes ride for America” that is the election. They range from prosaic—phone banking, letter writing—to principled: No cynicism, complacency, name-calling, tolerating of hate, or sitting it out because you’re tired of “the lesser of two evils” when Trump is “truly evil.”
The Rude Pundit takes a more profane view of “this fucked-up year, which came after another fucked-up year and before what will inevitably be a fucked-up year.”
Per request, fans sent dozens of haiku to sum it up:
- It’s easy to say/”Fuck Hamas and Fuck Likud”/Why is this so hard…
- “Let’s pile on the queers/ and immigrants!” is something/Jesus never said…
- I know I should care/That Derek Chauvin was stabbed/I’ll wait 9 minutes…
- The fetus at all costs!/Until it’s born and breathing/Then ‘Welcome cruel world.’
- I heard what you said/And you strongly believe it/You’re just fuckin’ wrong.”
In a new year, wishing you all at least glints of joy, peace, grace, and no savage military incursions.
MAGA ‘Prophet’ Julie Green has received a New Years message from God. God says the evil people controlling the govt are about to stage a coup to retain power, but there will be “an overthrow & takeover of this nation from the hands of the wicked to the hands of the righteous.” pic.twitter.com/J3bkHYYltB
— Ron Filipkowski (@RonFilipkowski) January 1, 2024
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