Pete Hegseth and his tattoos. Image: Pete Hegseth, Instagram
Pete Hegseth and his tattoos. Image: Pete Hegseth, Instagram
What can you say about Hegseth? "Teenage girls are more reliable with secrets than Hegseth," or "Leaker loses his shirt over leakers. Film at eleven." Bring popcorn.
Republished with permission from Common Dreams, by Abby Zimet
Less than astonishingly, grossly unqualified, historically untrustworthy, sexually assaulting, manic Secretary of Drunkenness and Defense Pete Hegseth evidently screwed up again, this time giddily spewing war plans in real time on his phone to his besties just minutes after a general sent them. Meanwhile, as insiders describe “total chaos” at the Pentagon—screaming, infighting, distrust—”G.I. Joke” says blame the media, deep state, “leakers” (pot/kettle) ’cause look he’s so good at his job there’s no trans folks in sight.
In the latest revelations, reported by NBC News, within 10 minutes of receiving detailed plans about last month’s U.S. strikes against Iranian-backed Houthi rebels in Yemen on a secure channel from Army Gen. Michael Kurilla, who leads U.S. Central Command, the former loose-lipped weekend Fox News host Hegseth spewed his cool intel on an unsecured Signal group chat to about a dozen people—his for-now-third-wife, his brother, his attorney, and for all we know his fave bartender, his Nazi buddies and the loser who makes his gunky hair gel.
The piss-drunk guy with the white nationalist tattoos and history of leaking shared those plans about two hours before the airstrikes hit, even though an aide had specifically warned him not to use Signal to share sensitive information, which he’d already done with an Atlantic editor mistakenly included on another chat. Nothing to see here.
Confronted for his carelessness and stupidity by Dems calling for his ouster, Whiskey Pete did what was right, acknowledged his egregious error in judgment, and humbly resigned. Just kidding. Like any good MAGA, he defiantly lied, oh-yeahed?, deflected and whined that nothing is ever his fault. Online, he sputtered to critics, “Your agenda is illegals, trans & DEI—no longer allowed at the Defense Department.” Totally relevant.
Then he went to the White House Easter Egg Roll, where his kids cringed behind him as he loudly trashed Fake News “hoaxsters”: “This is what the media does. They take anonymous sources, disgruntled former employees and they try to slash and burn people and ruin their reputations….It’s not going to work with me, because we’re changing the Defense Department, putting the Pentagon back in the hands of war fighters.” (And my relatives).
Then he went on Fox News, his safe place, where he used to work and show up drunk but they still feel for him and suggest his gross incompetence is just part of a “learning curve.” Brian Kilmeade, bending low in deference—”Mr. Secretary, you take this job, you come in with war experience and all your great background”—asked if “deep state forces” are working against him. “They’ve come after me from day one,” Pete whined, though he added it’s nothing compared to his master the anti-Christ: “What he has endured is superhuman.” “It’s not hard for me to do this job. I know exactly why I am here,” he said. “To bring war fighting and the war fighting ethos back to the Pentagon.” Eagerly, Kilmeade chimed in, “I know the warfighters are happy to have a warfighter up top.” A little intel-dropping is no biggie, boasted Hegseth: “I look at war plans every day,” and besides, leakers gonna leak.
The new national insecurity scandal comes amidst oustings of multiple Hegseth advisers who question his judgment, cite his failures, warn there are “more shoes to drop” and say “the Pentagon focus is no longer on warfighting (but) endless drama.” After he fired press secretary John Ullyot and three others, Ullyot has charged “unnamed” officials “have slandered our character with baseless attacks on our way out the door.” “We have not been told what exactly we were investigated for, or if there was even a real investigation of ‘leaks,”’ he said. “The last month has been a full-blown meltdown at the Pentagon.” On “a month of hell,” the New York Times likewise describes “a run of chaos that is unmatched” in the DoD’s recent history, with sustained infighting, “screaming matches,” paranoia about leaks and blame-games over the questionable success of the Houthi campaign.
Outside the Pentagon, military officials blast an unprecedented Defense Secretary “willfully divulging operational plans against a hostile military force in real time,” especially bafflingly, to his wife and bro. It’s more than what’s called the occasional “spill,” says one long-timer “Here he’s knowingly using an insecure communication device and he’s knowingly giving classified information to people who are not security clearance holders. It really gets more to the sort of willfulness that is typically prosecuted by the Department of Justice.” Which is why Air National Gruardsman Jack Teixeira was sentenced to 15 years in prison for disclosing sensitive military information to impress his friends on Discord, unlike Secretary Pete “flag hankie” Hegseth who did pretty much the same thing to impresses his peeps on SIGNAL like it was a super-cool-lookit-me Happy Birthday greeting.
Pentagon spokesman Sean Parnell has repeatedly claimed, “No classified material was ever shared via Signal,” charging all the hoopla is just “an attempt to sabotage” Trump and Hegseth, though try telling that to the families of the guys in the air possibly put in danger. Hegseth himself lamely called the leak “informal, unclassified coordinations for media coordination, other things.”
Harumph, says retired Marine Lt. Col. Mick Wagoner, a longtime military lawyer who deployed to four war zone. “There is just no-way, no-how, that an American military operation starting off is going to not be classified,” he retorts. “For Lord’s sake.” And just lookit this frantic, strung-out, high-on-something guy: Do all the “warfighters” in the Pentagon really see and hear him and think, yup, that’s really a guy we wanna follow into battle ’cause wow he sure seems to know what he’s doing. Umm…
To date, GOP Rep. Don Bacon, a retired Air Force General.on the House Armed Services Committee, is the only Republican member of Congress to say out loud, albeit mildly, that Hegseth should resign. “I had concerns from the get-go because (he) didn’t have a lot of experience,” he said. “I liked him on Fox, but does he have the experience to lead one of the largest organizations in the world? That’s a concern.” (You think?) Otherwise, MAGA officially still stands with him, with several suspects saying there’s “no talk right now” of removing him. At least until the big fat guy sings: At the Easter Egg Roll, Trump insisted, as usual with zero evidence, “Pete’s doing a great job, everybody’s happy with him.” Then he laughably added, because he’s definitely the one to know this sort of thing, “There’s no dysfunction.” And nothing’s ever your fault.
Other MAGA-ites have been fiery in their support. “This is what happens when the entire Pentagon is working against you and working against the monumental change you are trying to implement,” seethed Barbie Press Secretary. Oklahoma Sen. Markwayne Mullin outdid her. “I will lead the breach. I will lay down cover fire. I will take the high ground. I’ll expose myself to enemy fire,” he screeched. “We must bring back integrity, focus, and put the Warfighter first…I stand with Pete Hegseth.” Sighed Josh Marshall: “They’re just thirsty as fuck.” Many noted in response that Mullin is a plumber. “YOU’RE A FUCKING PLUMBER. YOU’VE NEVER SERVED,” wrote one. “You could have but you didn’t. We had the longest war in US history and you sat that shit out (but) now you want to be a big tough guy for the idiot who can’t keep a secret. Go clear a drain of your own bullshit.”
So it went after WaPo ran a story,Hegseth Amps Up Criticism of ‘Leakers’ After More Scrutiny of Signal Usage. Responses ranged from skepticism to fury, with many ripping the notion that the problem isn’t Hegseth being an inept, unstable disaster of a leaker but that a “leaker” is telling us about it. “Hegseth is a true Trumpist: never take responsibility,” said one. “His whining is getting really old, like a kid telling a teacher for the 20th time, ‘My dog ate my homework.'”
Also: “Teenage girls are more reliable with secrets than Hegseth,” “He’s embarrassing on a global level,” “Tough guy auditioning for a role,” “He’s posting war plans on Signal, doesn’t that make him a leaker? What an utterly ridiculous man,” “Clearly, Trump thinks ‘diversity’ means we need more clowns,” “Whiskey Pete will be gone in the Friday news dump,” and, “Leaker loses his shirt over leakers. Film at eleven.” Bring popcorn.

Protester at recent anti-Trump rally. BlueSky
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